"Early Days" First a little of my background, I was born in January 1985, in a small village about 10 miles from Budapest, Hungary. My father is Hungarian - My mother, half Hungarian half Polish. One of my first memories (I must have been about three) was of my father exercising in the garden in all weathers. I remember seeing him naked, outdoors in the snow. It was part of his "toughening" he used to say. (Do a Google for "Ivanov Therapy" for more info) He was a hansom man (still only in his mid thirties) who liked to keep fit, and I admired his body and well developed muscles. At some point he encouraged me to join him. It was more of a game for me, at that age, than serious exercise, as he taught me some simple press-ups, sit ups, squats, toe touches, etc. As well as enjoying these early workouts with my father, I quite liked the tingly sensation of cold air against my body & the surface of my skin. My father also used to stand in the garden & hose himself down, or leap in an icy plunge pool even in winter. Occasionally he would give me a little spray. Just a few seconds and I would love the tingle of the icy water on my skin and I would usually giggle. The next day he might encourage me to have the spray a little longer, and praise me if I did it. Thus I slowly built up the concept of the little challenge being a game with praise & admiration at the end. With the plunge pool it was the same. “Get in & count to five” said Dad. Then if I did it “Very good” he would say “that’s my tough Paul.” Next day he would say “See if you can get in & count to ten” Then if I did it there was more praise. And all the time the same words - “Good lad.” - “Brave boy,” - “Be tough!!” There was no compulsion about this, to me it was just a game to see how long I could stay in the cold plunge but I rapidly got the idea that being brave, tough & not minding discomfort or cold would earn me praise & I would feel good & proud of myself. My father would also take long runs through the Hungarian countryside, this time in shorts & shirtless, and in all weathers. I started to accompany him (for a short distance at first) and again enjoyed the feel of the cold air on my body. As long as I was warm inside, I did not mind if the surface of my skin was cold. It was a little challenge. My father’s manly chest & legs didn’t care about the cold as he ran through the freezing air & I admired him, and wanted to be like him, so my little boy chest & legs would be tough too - I told myself. And in truth I enjoyed it - If I mastered it - I was tough - If I didn’t care about the cold - I was in control of myself - and that was a great feeling. Several mornings a week Dad & Grandpa would go to a nearby lake to swim. It was a family tradition going back before Grandpa’s time. As Hungary has very cold & severe winters, when the lake was frozen over; a group of men from the village would smash a hole in the ice for people to jump in. I went with him to watch a few times, and admired the sight of these tough men leaping into the hole in the ice. I wanted to do it too, but was told I was a little too young. "You can start in the summer" my father said "And get too used to it gradually as we men do." One summer day, I was now four, my father took me along. The water was not freezing, but it was colder than a heated swimming pool. I loved it, and went with him several times a week. As the autumn wore on, people gradually dropped out, until by winter, there were only the hardy ones left, some were in there teens, most were adult & I was the youngest boy there. We would only stay in the water a couple of minutes, but it made me feel so alive, & it was great to feel one of the men. Again I got positive feelings & emotions from being tough, brave, stoical, and I saw the cold water as a challenge to be overcome, which in the long run would make me stronger & fitter. Again my father would always use the words - tough - strong - brave - fortitude - so therefore I developed the idea that these were important attributes, to be cultivated. ================= All children hurt themselves occasionally, I was no exception. Cut knees - Bashed heads - Bruised fingers. You name it I did it! But my parents had an unusual way of dealing with my distress. If I ran crying to Mum or Dad with an injury, the love & support was all there. “Oh dear what have you done, let’s have a look” they might say. But what they didn’t do was try to make it better, by rubbing it better, or kissing it better, or any other magic mumbo jumbo. What they did do was encourage me to deal with my own pain. Rub on my own antiseptic cream, or put on my own plaster. That way I began to learn that pain was my problem; Mum & Dad won’t always be there. I remember once when I hurt myself, my father asking “Does it hurt.” “Yes” I replied tearfully. “That means you can be brave & tough & strong then” replied Dad. Again using those same words, though this time used not about cold splashes or swims or runs, but used in relation to pain & hurt & discomfort. Slowly I started to understand the connection between the two. When I was about 5 years old I remember an incident which on reflection was very influential. One day whilst we were visiting an Aunt, her son Michael, (My Cousin) who was about 13 years old, caught his hand and a finger in the car door as it was being shut. It was obviously very painful, but what amazed me was that Michael didn’t cry or make a fuss. He calmly sat there holding his hand for a while, quietly just accepting the pain until it died down. “Why didn’t he cry?” I asked my father incredulously. “Because he’s tough, brave and stoical” replied Dad - This was amazing - suddenly I saw a connection. Being tough, brave & stoical with cold showers, plunges & ice swimming was the same as being tough, brave & stoical with pain. I had really admired Michael’s fortitude. I had no idea if I had the strength of character to emulate him, but somehow I felt it was important to try, so from that moment on I realised that toughness was not just about cold showers & ice swimming, it was also about a state of mind & being tough with pain. By the age of six I had been at kindergarten about a year. I was learning all the little social skills one needs to learn at that age, how to make friends, co-operate when necessary, share, take turns and compete when appropriate. And all this time my father continued to introduce me to the concept of toughness, nothing heavy, only little things at first “You had a cold shower and counted to 60 yesterday, do you want to try & count to 100 today?” Little games like that. And it was fun to tough it out a little longer or colder each day and then be praised for it. I was discovering that if I put up with something unpleasant for a little while I would be praised & feel good about myself afterwards. And the more I did it every day the easier it became. In other words "Self Mastery felt good to me" Then something was to happen in my life which brought a different sort of pain... ======================= Mental pain!! At age 6-1/2, we moved to the UK - Near Carlisle in Cumbria. This was a very difficult time for me. I left all my infant school friends behind in Hungary. I spoke no English, and for a while was rather unhappy, maybe a bit angry & slightly bitter at my parents who I felt had caused the situation. I felt lonely, out of control, out of my depth and powerless to change it. I wanted desperately to go home to get out of this situation which felt like a bad dream. What I didn’t understand at that age was that my father had been offered work in the UK and he felt that it was an offer too good to refuse. It wasn’t easy for Mum & Dad either - because though Dad spoke some English, Mum didn’t, so she struggled too. My parents were aware of my distress and arranged a private tutor to help me learn English. I was introduced to a burley middle age lady - Mrs Clegg; however she was quite happy that I used her first name, so I knew her as Enid. Enid & I became friends, and I got a lot of help in those first two years in Cumbria. She was a brash North Country woman, the sort of person who called a pot a pot and a kettle a kettle, but though she was firm, she had a warm heart. We started off simply playing games & going out for walks in the town or country. We would converse about the things we saw, but there was one important rule: I must use English! Though I was able to read & write Hungarian - Enid was able to help me with my English reading & writing and I guess I was lucky to be of an age when new languages come easily to a child. Previously, when I had about six, at Christmas, I remember being given by Grandparents a Hungarian copy of “The Lion the Witch & the Wardrobe.” It was probably a bit old for me at that time so it was put away on a shelf, but a year or so later I came across an English version in Carlisle Library. I got the Hungarian version off the shelf at home and I distinctly remember sitting on my bed comparing the two copies. I read the first page in Hungarian then the English version. Then the second page visa-versa “Now that’s interesting.” I thought as I realised I found it reasonably easy to follow both versions. In the space of a couple of days I consumed both books, reading each chapter first in one language then the other, comparing & contrasting the subtle differences in the meaning of the translation. I think that experience intrigued me & spurred me into making more effort to improve my command of English, and by the age of eight I was beginning to make friends again & started at proper school. Those two difficult years between six & eight had been a very upsetting time for me. Nevertheless sometimes good things come from adversity, and I think looking back on that period from the benefit of hindsight, I guess my brain was subconsciously processing all this somewhere at the back of my mind, and in doing so, emerged two strong feelings. 1) A determination that if at all possible I never wanted to be out of control with my situation again. 2) And that in order to control my situation, I had to firstly learn to control myself. OK, so what did that concept "Control Myself" mean to eight year old Paul? Well... it seemed to have something to do with "Toughness, Fortitude, Stoicism and Self Mastery" again, what my father was teaching me, that often unpleasant things aren't unpleasant after a while, if you can just tough out the first bit. And even if they are unpleasant I'll feel good about myself if I can cope with it. So I started giving myself little tests, just to see how I coped - and if I did cope - if I mastered it - it felt good again. My father had told me that he rarely bathed in hot water in his childhood - or as an adult, but there was no compulsion for me to follow suit. But I decided I wanted to - so from about the age of 8, I simply stopped having hot showers or baths and always washed in cold water. After all Dad was my tough hero & I wanted to be tough too. And again, if I got through it, I felt good about myself. Another little test was a prickly sweater I had. Nasty, scratchy, rough thing it was. It would itch & feel quite uncomfortable, but if I put it on - directly next to my skin - and say “I'll wear this for 2 hrs or 4 hrs” or whatever, and then put up with the distraction and discomfort, and not let it bother me, I would feel good about myself. I remember once or twice getting a lump of ice out of the fridge & holding it tight in my hand till it melted - often ten minuets or more. If you’ve never done it it’s surprisingly painful - but I wanted to test my resolve and see how I coped. And when I coped the feeling of being in charge of myself felt good. ======================= At the age of eight my parents sent me to a well-run and relaxed boy’s only boarding school in northern England. It was a small intimate place, with only twenty boys in each year group, age eight to eighteen. Outdoor activities were encouraged and being in the country there was plenty of countryside, woods & hills to keep an active lad happy. By now I was more settled in England, and as I had normally been a confident, popular & extrovert boy, I got on & made many friends. Good at sport, in particular Gymnastics, Swimming & Running - I eventually became captain of the junior & senior rugby squads for a while. I mostly have happy memories of school. Perhaps because of my developing views about toughness, I already knew I felt good if I didn't cry when I hurt myself - and I soon got a reputation as a lad who did not cry. If I was told off, or prevented from doing something I wanted to do, (emotional pain) I might be upset & cry, but I cannot remember physical pain ever making me cry after about the age of eight. If I cut my knee, bruised myself or fell over and felt a pain, somehow I felt it was important not to let it show, just as Cousin Michael had not let his pain show when he hurt his hand in the car door. At around 9 years old, a group of us lads were climbing trees & larking about and I slipped & fell, not far, but enough for a sharp thorn to slash into my leg on the way down. I know I yelped from surprise as it happened, but when the School Nurse treated it with iodine, which stings quite badly as it enters a cut, I knew I wanted to try and not react. When I succeeded in coping with the stinging & burning without any real show of pain the nurse was impressed and surprised at my lack of reaction. I was fascinated by how she washed out the wound, the way the iodine dyed the surrounding skin yellow, how it flowed into the cut and stung. The pain was something to be interested in not afraid of. "Didn't that hurt?" she asked, after she finished and bandaged me up "Yes" I said, as I casually shrugged my shoulders, and ran off. "Brave boy" she shouted after me. I felt quite proud, it had hurt, quite a lot, but I had chosen to let it hurt & not try to fight it, and that felt very good indeed! By now I was beginning to learn one other thing about pain - It was worse if I tried to push it away. I don't know how I learnt this trick; perhaps I was born with it, because it feels just natural to me somehow. If I allowed myself to feel it, think about it, analyse it, it didn't seem to be so bad. I don't mean it hurt less, just that the hurt was something I accepted rather than fought & perhaps that is less mental effort. Just let it be, that was much easier. Meanwhile, when I was off school in the holidays, the tradition of icy swims, workouts & runs with my father continued, it had become a habit. Our routine was a workout in the back yard followed by a plunge & cold shower. On some occasions we would drive into the country near Carlisle and run - shirtless - over the moors for half an hour or so then finish off with a swim in a nearby lake or river. We would do these things whatever the weather, so it was more of a challenge in winter than in summer. Nevertheless by the time I was nine or ten, I was quite used to it and it all seemed quite natural to me. It was also quite normal for us to workout in the nude. If we went into the garden for a workout and plunge in the ice tub no one would think about putting trunks on - not amongst family anyway. It never occurred to me at that time that there was anything remotely odd about it. I think that attitude benefits me today in that I don’t have hang ups about being naked around other people. I guess all this was good father & son bonding; I think those early challenges, toughing it out together, explain why I’ve always had a good relationship with my Father. I was a good runner, and back at school I joined the junior cross-country team. In summer, we ran in shorts & tee shirt & in winter a tracksuit - not the shirtless running I was used to. One frosty winter’s day when there was snow on the ground, we were on a practice run, when I suddenly felt the urge to feel the cold air against my skin again. Suddenly I stopped & took off my tracksuit... (I had shorts underneath)... hid it in some bushes & continued running. We were running in a small group and my friends thought I was mad! I did not care; once again, I felt the exhilaration of the cold air against my naked legs & torso. I started to run like this for every practise and it wasn't long before it came to the attention of the games masters "You shouldn't run like that" they said "You'll catch cold" "But I like it" I said "Anyway I feel warm inside" Unfortunately this didn't seem to be good enough for them, so they contacted my parents. "If my son wants to run like that, then let him." said my father, always supportive. Well, there was not much they could do now, so the matter was dropped. From that point on I often ran in shorts & topless, all year, although I did sometimes wear gloves to avoid frost bitten fingers. I loved my regular topless runs in the cold. I felt fitter & more energised, but at school I still missed the plunges & swims in the cold lake back at home. My father, of course, had been the one to introduce me to the practise from the start, so he quite understood my concerns. I had started having cold baths and showers when I was at home in the holidays, but all the showers at school were non adjustable hot ones "I'll see what I can do" He said to me one day. Now English boarding schools used to have a long tradition of cold showers & baths, but in 1995, (I was now ten) the tradition had long since died out. All the showers in the dorms and sports locker rooms, had been converted to thermostatic hot ones, but there were a couple of old baths. Great enormous enamel things, left over from the days when several boys would bathe at once. At some point, my father had written to, or seen, the headmaster. He explained the family tradition of cold-water bathing, and, although surprised, the head agreed that I could use the baths. So that was it. I would get up at about 7.00, and whilst most of my friends were washing under hot showers, I would trot down the corridor to the old bathroom, fill the bath straight from the cold tap, and get in, usually for about ten minutes. Occasionally, some of my friends would come to watch. They would put their hand into the cold water. "Cor! How do you do it?" they would say. "Dunno" I said, "I just like it." As well as the heated indoor swim pool at school, there was a lake nearby (Strictly out of bounds unless with a master) which was used in the summer term (May to late July) for boating and occasionally swimming, but I wanted to try to swim there all year. Again, my supportive parents had arranged that a master would accompany me, usually at weekends; he would stand on the bank near the lifebelt, or row the boat behind me, whilst I swam around. I was a strong swimmer & never got into difficulties. (By now I was on the swimming team) Above 10 C, I would usually swim for about twenty mins, at 5-10 C for10mins and at 0-5C about five Min’s. My friends would often come to watch and could not understand how I did it "Only softies feel the cold!” I would say. I was beginning to earn the reputation as a bit of a tough guy. ======================= I shall continue the story of my schooldays as I get time over the next few months. Meanwhile I would love to hear from any people who have had similar experiences. Thanks for reading, Best Wishes. Paul Lajos

Message sent to all members upon joining Toughness.... Hi... Thank's for joining... and welcome to the group. My name is Paul Lajos, I am 23 and I love to keep physically & mentally fit! That in itself is not unusual, many people keep fit, but as my life progressed I developed the idea that along with fitness should stand physical & mental toughness - and perhaps that concept is a little unusual these days. My Physical Fitness Hobbies Exercise, Aerobics, Running, Swimming, Football, Rugby, Weight Training, Gymnastics, Wrestling, Yoga, Tai-quan-do, Body Development. My Toughness & Mental Fitness Hobbies Keeping my Sleeves rolled up & always wearing Shorts even in winter, Daily Cold Baths & Ice Swimming, Putting up with Pain & Discomfort, Physical Endurance & Mental Stoicism, Sexual Tantra & Orgasm Control, Meditation, Anything involving Personal Development & Character Building. Why do I do these seemingly unusual things? Well, if you want to know, you'll have to read on. ======================= I enjoy anything which keeps me fit - pushes my boundaries and tests my resolve or willpower, usually involving cold, discomfort or occasionally moderate pain. I also enjoy most sports & outdoor activities. However I like my comforts too: - A warm sofa with girlfriend (or boyfriend) & good film - A romantic meal - Beautiful countryside - Firm reliable friends. I play the guitar & sing a little, and I love writing! I keep fit with a rigorous program of Body Development, & Character Building. I admire some aspects of the Ancient Spartan youth training system (ability to withstand cold, discomfort & even pain) and use some methods in my own personal development. I have unconventional views on personal toughness and have found very few other people who share them. I would like to find others who have had similar experiences in the hope they will respond or get in touch via this group. Influences in my early life gave me, I think, an above average toughness. At the age of four my father would take me ice swimming in a local lake. At the age of ten, I was the only boy at school who chose to take cold baths all year round. As a teenager, I took up yoga and meditation, as a young adult I discovered sexual tantra & orgasm control. And I now believe there is something spiritual and beautifully satisfying about self mastery & stoicism. As a good friend once said to me “If you can master pain you can master anything.” Nevertheless I’m not perfect, I’m not a Superman, I have faults, and like most people, I get things wrong and screw up occasionally. My paid work is as a Fitness Instructor & Personal Development Coach at a gym in the north of England, and I’m currently training to become an Outdoor Activities Youth Leader. However, in my free time I like to develop my own fitness, I exercise with aerobics, I run (cross-country), swim, weight train, & wrestle. I am never happier than when running over the hills and moors of northern England or swimming in the lakes. I have always liked to challenge myself & push my boundaries. How did I develop these interests....?? Well... If you wish to read the story of my unusual childhood and the influences that pointed me this way please read on. So here, I would like to write about my Fitness, Body Development & Character Building methods, and how my life has developed up to now, and why. A word of explanation for new members.... This group started in Feb 2007 and has a large archive of postings. If you have just joined the group and have not read the previous episodes you might wish to do so. Method 1) Recommended. Reading EVERYTHING (My story PLUS everyone else's postings) click http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/Toughness Which is the front page of the group. Then select (Messages) then (Oldest). That will take you to this page http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/Toughness/messages/6?xm=1&m=e&l=1 From there you can read everything since the group started on Feb 26, 2007. However,if that's too much to read try... Method 2) To read my story MISSING OUT everyone else's postings (BUT MISSING OUT a lot of my other stuff also) click http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/Toughness/files Which is the Files Section. There you will find the text documents, which are, I think, self explanatory. Whilst your there you might want to check out the Pictures Section http://uk.ph.groups.yahoo.com/group/Toughness/photos The Links Section http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/Toughness/links And the Polls Section http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/Toughness/polls I also have a Utube page:- http://www.youtube.com/Toughpaul OK - I hope you enjoy it, find it interesting, and may post something yourself soon. All the best Paul Lajos

Introduction Welcome to this group. My name is Paul Lajos, I am 23 and I love to keep physically & mentally fit! That in itself is not unusual, many people keep fit, but as my life progressed I developed the idea that along with fitness should stand physical & mental toughness - and perhaps that concept is a little unusual these days. My Physical Fitness Hobbies Exercise, Aerobics, Running, Swimming, Football, Rugby, Weight Training, Gymnastics, Wrestling, Yoga, Tai-quan-do, Body Development. My Toughness & Mental Fitness Hobbies Keeping my Sleeves rolled up & always wearing Shorts even in winter, Daily Cold Baths & Ice Swimming, Putting up with Pain & Discomfort, Physical Endurance & Mental Stoicism, Sexual Tantra & Orgasm Control, Meditation, Anything involving Personal Development & Character Building. Why do I do these seemingly unusual things? Well, if you want to know, you'll have to read on.======================= I enjoy anything which keeps me fit - pushes my boundaries and tests my resolve or willpower, usually involving cold, discomfort or occasionally moderate pain. I also enjoy most sports & outdoor activities. However I like my comforts too: - A warm sofa with girlfriend (or boyfriend) & good film - A romantic meal - Beautiful countryside - Firm reliable friends. I play the guitar & sing a little, and I love writing! I keep fit with a rigorous program of Body Development, & Character Building. I admire some aspects of the Ancient Spartan youth training system (ability to withstand cold, discomfort & even pain) and use some methods in my own personal development. I have unconventional views on personal toughness and have found very few other people who share them. I would like to find others who have had similar experiences in the hope they will respond or get in touch via this group. Influences in my early life gave me, I think, an above average toughness. At the age of four my father would take me ice swimming in a local lake. At the age of ten, I was the only boy at school who chose to take cold baths all year round. As a teenager, I took up yoga and meditation, as a young adult I discovered sexual tantra & orgasm control. And I now believe there is something spiritual and beautifully satisfying about self mastery & stoicism. As a good friend once said to me “If you can master pain you can master anything.” Nevertheless I’m not perfect, I’m not a Superman, I have faults, and like most people, I get things wrong and screw up occasionally. My paid work is as a Fitness Instructor & Personal Development Coach at a gym in the north of England, and I’m currently training to become an Outdoor Activities Youth Leader. However, in my free time I like to develop my own fitness, I exercise with aerobics, I run (cross-country), swim, weight train, & wrestle. I am never happier than when running over the hills and moors of northern England or swimming in the lakes. I have always liked to challenge myself & push my boundaries. How did I develop these interests....?? Well... If you wish to read the story of my unusual childhood and the influences that pointed me this way please read on. So here, I would like to write about my Fitness, Body Development & Character Building methods, and how my life has developed up to now, and why. To follow my story, or to comment, visit:-http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/Toughness Or my Utube:-http://www.youtube.com/Toughpaul Paul Lajos